Guest writer, Crystal Rasmus: Demonic Seagulls (AND Sisters!) and What To Do In A Car Breakdown

One day my buddy Crystal (Rasmus says RAWR, regular Moose just kicks your arse) Rasmus had a hell of a day. This is her story.

So my day started out the usual way, waking up at 9am, watching a DVD I’ve been meaning to watch for over a month (Shout out to Ryan here!), eating left overs for ‘brunch’ around 11am…

ok so maybe it WASN’T the usual way… I don’t usually do ANY of that… ESPECIALLY the waking up at 9! That’s what a semi-early night does to you. In fact I settled down on my bed to watch Seabiscuit last night and fell asleep instantly… poor rejected Seabiscuit… shame… and I DON’T watch DVDs in the morning (exception to the time I had a Veronica Mars marathon. All 3 seasons back to back all day every day haha… I’ve had that same marathon twice since…) AND I don’t usually have BRUNCH… except yesterday…

ANYWAY… it started off FAIRLY normal (not) until about 1pm when my sister REALLY started getting on my nerves… Jess (My brother’s gf of over 2 years)(shout out to Jess here!) and I were sitting in my room chattin’ and tryna fill in the boring afternoon by job searching the Herald for her while I texted away on my dearly beloved phone (shout out to Erin here!) when my sister (no shout out to her here) comes in and would. not. leave. us. alone. she just wouldn’t leave! So I finally take her out the room (after I DID warn her that I would) which was followed by her screaming and punching and elbowing, and I JUST had enough time to get back to my room (and pull her bed in front of the door so she couldn’t get back in… a tactic which I’m unsure as to why I haven’t tried it before)… next thing I know, said sister, has ‘posted’ a Fairy card for me under the door.

I open said card, which reads ‘Dear Crystal (



… and think to myself well THAT’S obviously written in invisible ink … but I chose not to be too worried about it and chucked it on her bed. Before long my brother (shout out to Nathan here!) wants to come in the room so Jess and I go to the EPICALLY HARD job of moving the bed back

talk about hard work

and he comes in.. once he leaves who should come back in but my sister… dialogue was as follows:
Myself: What was the point in writing that card? There’s nothing in it…
Omen Child: Actually, Crystal, I wrote a whole page

So at this point I’m suddenly VERY curious as to what she actually wrote…

Myself: Hey Jess, does Nathan still have that torch I gave him that can read invisible writing?
Jess: umm I think he has one that doesn’t work…
Myself: NATHAN?!!! *runs out to computer, Omen-Child follows* do you still have that torch that makes invisible ink show up?
Nathan: I bought one for my car but it doesn’t work…
Omen Child: I didn’t write anything Crystal
Myself: I know you’re lying… umm, do you still have that one from the cereal box i gave you? You know the one that we used to see the invisible eagle on the student ID cards (for those of you who didn’t know they had these you should check it out!)
Nathan: uhh yeh i think it’s in my room *we follow him to his room*
Omen Child: I didn’t write anything, give me the card back
Myself: If you didn’t write anything why do you want it back? you obviously wrote something bad in there
Omen Child: No I didn’t, I want it back so I can write nice stuff in there
Myself: well now I know you’re lying!
Nathan: here you go *passes me torch*
Myself: Thanks!
Omen Child: Crystal *tears up* give it back to me!
Myself: no… I want to read what you wrote.. it’s obviously really bad
Omen Child: I didn’t!
Myself: well then there’s no harm in me finding out is there
Omen Child: Please Crystal
Myself: no
Omen Child: you know I really hate you *walks away crying*

at this point I get to read said card and it reads:

Dear Crystal
( you really piss me off. You are a shit sister and I fricken hate you so GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

and at THIS point I’m thinking hey I finally have proof for mum and dad that she’s not the little angel they always think she is when they’re not here… and maybe this time they’ll believe me! so I take said card and hide it in the dvd cover for ‘The Invisible’ (pun intended)… but afraid she’d still find it I decided to take it with me to Elizabeth with me and Jess. We’d decided somewhere in the mean time to go see the movie Day Breakers (GREAT movie by the way! I assume it was a horror)… so we leave…

We’re about 10 minutes late to the movie but still got the gist of it… ‘

blah blah blah *insert Sam Neil movie here*

When we make our way back to the car Jess makes the comment ‘so now we hope the car starts’…

which is where THIS comes in:


1. Make sure you have Jumper Lead Cables in your car (even if you need to ask some random to plug their car up to yours)

this is where our troubles started… you see, we DIDN’T have jumper lead cables… and as we were in a rush to get to the movie we both forgot to make sure the lights were off… yes it WAS daylight… what were the lights doing on, you ask? Well it was rainy and not the brightest of days.. safety first you know.

So how do you prepare for said situation if you DON’T have jumper lead cables?


1. Stock the car up with travel games to keep you occupied should you have to await help
2. make sure you have PLENTY of credit to spare in case you need to ring
3. make sure you actually HAVE money in case of emergency food need, or for the RAA should you call them
4. Make sure you’re not cutting your time too close to get places

Basically… we sucked at all the above… We had no games… not even my Ipod… I DIDN’T have enough credit to ring anyone, though Jess did. A Win at last! We DIDN’T have much money… a measly $4.95 between us… and we WERE cutting our time too close… it was currently 5pm and I had to be in nuri at 6:30pm…

So what do you do when you’re in our situation?


1. Sit there trying to call people.

We managed to get a hold of my brother and my mum… of course it was 5:30 before Nathan was able to leave.. he had to locate the Jump Starter Leads.. I also told mum about the SISTER situation… she laughs.

2. Find a fast food place with the longest line and use your last two bux on the cheapest item on the menu (you never know how long you’re going to be stranded for)

We did just this.. after walking to the Elizabeth shopping centre and realising it was closed (5:15pm current time) we walked back to the KFC across the road. Anyone who has walked to that KFC before knows the chore it holds just to cross the dam road! So we get there, cheating death, to find the longest line EVER known to man kind… 15 minutes later we are finally served (after buying some chip and gravy combo… woo) and head back to the car. Ah, the relief of a not so empty stomach!

3. Marvel at the Native (or not so native) Wildlife

On our way to KFC we passed a Raven (or Crow depending on your preference) tipping up a seemingly empty drink container…
Myself: haha wouldn’t it be funny if it was tipping it up so it runs out and it can eat (yes i realise that should be *drink* – remember I’d been stranded a whole half hour!) it
Next thing we know the bird drops the end of the container, waddles to the front of the drink to a little puddle of liquid and starts drinking it…

smartest. bird. alive.

Once back in the car we’re admiring the number of seagulls that seemed to be somewhat lost. Elizabeth being far from the ocean. Next thing we know this seagull comes up to the car and stares at us…

oh. my. LORDY.

It’s eyes were solid BLACK… It looked like something out of Supernatural!! Jess managed to get a blurry photo of it on her phone (as I was talking to mum on mine. Come to think of it my camera was in my bag the whole time… DAMMIT)…

freakiest. bird. alive.

4. Make random noises to fill in the time

Well this pretty much speaks for itself… its amazing how non-annoying noises are when you’re stranded

5. Wish you’d adhered to Section A: How To Avoid Breaking Down

6. Wish you’d adhered to Section B: How To Prepare In Case Of A Break Down

7. Text people about the situation you are in.

I managed to text 3 different people. (shout out to Erin, Ryan and Blender-Boy here)

8. Play ‘Spot The Car Coming To Rescue You’

and finally,

9. Cheer and whistle when you spot said rescue car and wave your arms like a looney in the hope they spot you amongst all the cars

Once we were rescued by the brave brother soldier and brave (yeh hair-thinning) father soldier, Jess notices white smoke coming from his exhaust pipe…

Nathan: well that’s not good…


So while he’s probably thinking he should take a look at that I tell DAD about the sister situation. He laughs…, we all leave. Jess takes me straight to Nuri (arriving at 7pm).

After Infusion ends Jess comes to pick me up in the now working car and we go home. I get home to mum complaining about me not doing anything around the house that day and find out that nothing has happened with the ‘sister situation’

How. Bloody. Annoying.

BUT. I knew that would happen.

Maybe I’ll hire that demon seagull as a hit man [bird]


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