Things I’ve been accused of: Being “The Biggest Flirt”

This is my first post in a new series called “Things I’ve been accused of” starting with “Being The Biggest Flirt.”

That’s right, not just a Flirt, or a Big Flirt, or even a Massive Flirt but The Biggest Flirt! This has happened so often I’ve lost count but this is the latest (and most easily remembered) story.

The incident happened when I was climbing Mt Remarkable with my by buddy Jess Greatbatch. We hadn’t seen each other for about a year so naturally we got talking about the good old times and people we used to know (it’s amazing how teenagers can act like old women).

At one point of the conversation Jess burst out with “Tom! You are The Biggest Flirt! I remember when you hooked up with bla bla bla!”

Here’s a list of responses that are often used to reply after a statement like that:

  • Well that was only once!
  • Well I really liked her!
  • Well we were in love!
  • Well we had been going out for ages!

But choosing to break with the mould I decided none of those answers were applicable to my situation and had to create my own custom response which was.

“WTF! Are you high girl? Me and bla bla bla never hooked up! We were just buddies!”

“Yeah you did!” replied Jess, “on the couch!”

After half a hour of  “Yes you did!”, “No I didn’t!” we gave the subject away. Not because we were mature and dropped it but because we were climbing a flipping mountain and it was hard!

Much later I was thinking about that conversation (I have a tenancy to obsess about little things) and was getting really worried. I didn’t want people going around thinking I’d been hooking up with girls I was just friends with.

After much worry and lost sleep I came to a sudden realisation. We never worked out what the phrase “hooked up with” meant. I quick search of Urban Dictionary yielded this, which wasn’t horrible helpful.

Hook up, is a really ambiguous term which can mean anything ranging from “had sex with” to “met down the street”. Racking my brain for possible situations I remembered that once, two or three years ago, we had been sitting next to each other on a couch and I had put my arm around her.

FINALLY! When Jess said I’d “Hooked Up” with her, what she actually meant was I’d “Had my arm around her one time”.

So what does this mean for me? If what “Hooked Up” actually means “Had my arm around her one time” then I have hooked up with many many girls. Including Jess. It means I would have maybe hooked up with over half the girls I’ve met a feat beaten only by this man and that therefore yes, I AM:

The Biggest Flirt.

Which has been a massive boost to my confidence. Here’s a commercial I was in.



10 thoughts on “Things I’ve been accused of: Being “The Biggest Flirt”

  1. Remember that time you got accused of telling that girl she should break up with her boy friend and then you got that abusive message on Facebook… ahh good times.

  2. That’s a good anecdote. By that measure, I’ve hooked up with about… 10 girls. 😛 And about 20 guys. I need to improve my ratio. lol

    Also, awesome ad. 😛

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