Threats


Remember how I was talking about that time I did some studying?

The next time my buddies went into that shop they found this note in the packet of chips.

Blender boy is me.

I may have told them to pay out Taylor Swift next time they see Crystal (she LOVES Taylor Swift).

I think the conversation went something like this: “Can I have some chips and Taylor Swift sucks.”

I few days later a different friend of mine saw Crystal down the library and payed out Taylor Swift again. She’s hoppin mad now.

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Harry Potter Pick-up lines


My buddy Bec found my blog at two o-clock in the morning one day and was so impress that later in the day (you know, when normal people are awake) she gave this to me to put up here. On the other side of the piece of paper was a bunch of Twilight pick-up lines. But they were roughly as good as the books so they got left out.

I’m not wearing an invisibility cloak but do you think I could still visit your restricted section tonight?

I’d like to get my basilisk into your chamber of secrets.

Have you heard of platform nine and three-quarters? Well I can think of something else with the same measurement.

Hagrids not the only giant on camput if you know what I mean.

I’ve been whomping my willow thinking about you.

Whaddya say you and me fo look for the toom of requierment.

Come on lets do if hippogriff style.

One night with me and they’ll be calling you Moaning Myrtle.

I’ll let you handle my wand anyday.

Is that your wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

I think the hippogriff one sounded dangerous. And also that last one was a pickup line to be used on guys. When the heck does that happen?!

Things that Girls Love


To all the girls that read this. This is a joke list. I don’t mean any offence or half of the things on it. Please don’t hurt me. Please.

  • Not paying for things.
  • Changing their mind.
  • Expecting men to be able to read their mind.
  • Expecting men to be clean.
  • Gossiping.
  • Not Tom or Ben 😦
  • Chocolate.
  • Cars and money (but boys like girls).
  • Crying.
  • Twilight.
  • Justin Beiber.
  • Being crazy.
  • Being scary.
  • Pickup lines (if I said you had a good body would you hold it against me).
  • Nagging.
  • Not having a sense of direction.
  • Bad Boys (I and II)
  • Cooking for men.
  • Having big boobs.
  • Talking. Alot.
  • Not knowing what they want.
  • Facial Hair.
  • Guys that don’t have huge guns (one at a time please ladies).
  • Horror Movies (so they can pretend to be scared to guys.
  • Being tickled.
  • White boy dancing (they can’t resist it)
  • Detective Mittens

Well.. I guess I only know one girl that likes this. But she LOVES it.

If you were wondering what Detective Mittens is:
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVx2uCcDXX0

The Conceptual Stream


This passage is taken from my favourite book The Raw Shark Texts by Steven Hall. I’m also studying it for my major assignment in year 12 English studies. What follows is one of my favourite passages, and which I also feel is relevant to blogging and especially my style of blogging.

Imagine you’re in a rowing boat on a lake.

It’s summer, early morning. That time when the sun hasn’t quite broken free of the landscape and long, projected shadows tigerstripe the light. The rays are warm on your skin as you drift through them, but in shadows the air is still cold, greyness holding onto undersides and edges wherever it can.

A low clinging breeze comes and goes, racing ripples across the water and gently rocking you and your boat as you float in yin-yang slices of morning. Birds are singing. It’s a sharp, clear sound, clean without the humming backing track of a day well underway. There’s the occasional sound of wind in leaves and the occasional slap-splash of a larger wavelet breaking on the side of your boat, but nothing else.

You reach over the side and feel the shock of the water, the steady bob of the lake’s movement playing up and down your knuckles in a rhythm of cold. You pull your arm back; you enjoy the after-ache in your fingers. Holding out your hand, you close your eyes and feel the tiny physics of gravity and resistance as liquid finds routes across your skin builds itself into droplets of the required weight, then falls, each drop ending with an audible tap.

Now, right on the tap – stop. Stop imagining. Here’s the real game. Here’s what’s obvious and wonderful and terrible all at the same time: the lake in my head, the lake I was imagining, has just become the lake in your head. It doesn’t matter if your never know me, or never know anything about me. I could be dead, I could have been dead a hundred years before you were even born and sill – think about this carefully, thing past the obvious sense of it to the huge and amazing miracle hiding inside – the lake in my head has become the like in your head.

Behind or inside or through the two hundred and eighteen words that made up my description, behind or inside of through those nine hundred and sixty-nine letters, there is some kinds of flow. A purely conceptual stream with no mass or weight or matter and no ties to gravity or time, a stream that can only be seen if your choose to look at it from the precise angle we are looking from now, but there, nevertheless, a stream flowing directly from my imaginary like into yours.

Next, try to visualise all the streams of human interactions, of communication. All those linking streams flowing in and between people, through text, pictures, spoken words and TV commentaries, streams through shared memories, casual relations, witnessed events, touching pasts and futures, cause and effect. Try to see this immense latticework of lakes and flowing streams, see the size and awesome complexity of it. This huge rich environment, this water way paradise of all information and identities and societies and selves.

Now, go back to your lake, back to your gently bobbing boat. But this time, know the lake; know the place for what it is and when you’re ready, take a look over the boat’s side. The water is clear and deep. Broken sunlight cuts blue wedges down, down into the clean cold depths. Sit quietly, wait and watch, don’t move. Be very, very still. They say life is tenacious. They say given half a chance, or less, life will grow and exist and evolve anywhere, even in the most inhospitable and unlikely of places. Life will always find a way, they say. Be very quiet, Keep looking into the water, Keep looking and keep watching.

How to study for physics


If you want to study hard for physics and get good grades here’s a list of things to do:

  1. Don’t go get some chips before you start.
  2. Don’t go down to fisherman’s feast and buy three of the largest lots of chips they have ($5.50 each).
  3. Don’t make fun of the checkout chick when it takes forever to make (number 87 was served before us and we were number 85 D: )(apparently we used up a whole bag of chips by ourselves)
  4. Don’t wait for fifteen minutes making jokes about the checkout chick making food in the kitchen.
  5. Don’t go back to school with all the chips and offer everybody you see chips, distracting them from their work.
  6. Don’t also offer chips to the teachers and go looking for the deputy principle to give HIM chips.
  7. Don’t call girls fattys when they eat lots of chips.
  8. Don’t call girls skinny and that they should eat more chips (they don’t like this either :/ ).
  9. Don’t take Gavin’s computer and use it to make music.
  10. Don’t use the music to make a party in the study room.
  11. Don’t get Henry to drive you home.
  12. Don’t change you mind while going home and go to his house.
  13. Don’t play Pokemon and Battle for Wesnoth at his house.
  14. Don’t write up a blog post about How to study for physics while you should be studying for physics.

All of this could be summarised in one simple rule: Don’t leave your physics book at home on the day when you do lots of physics and you won’t have to create elaborate ploys to stop your friends from doing work.

Book review! Elom by William Brinkard


The reason this site has been rather quiet is that I finally got around to reading the book I borrowed from the library all those weeks ago.

I don’t know if other people are like this but when I’m at the library looking for books, or at home making a music play list, I’m really optimistic. I listen to ten seconds of a song and think “oh yeah, I reckon I could dig this”. But then whenever it comes up when I put the music player on shuffle I skip it because Alicia Keys really isn’t my style.

The same thing happens to me with book. And even when I’m reading them I’m really forgiving, I keep telling myself that it’s still warming up, that the best is yet to come. Very long story short, in Elom by William H. Drinkard, it didn’t.

The whole book from the very first chapters was eluding to all of the human race being ‘Judged’ and if they were found inadequate all the humans would be destroyed.

If you ever want to read this book don’t continue reading because I’m going to spoil the ending.

In the last chapter, after four hundred pages of build up, you find out that there is not ‘Judging’, the idea that there was stems from a misunderstanding three and a half centuries ago by a girl who was convinced that an alien was God (much to the aliens protests). This sounds like some kind of comedy science fiction like ‘The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy’ but it wasn’t, it was a completely serious book with a habit of putting chapter separators in the middle of dialogue.

To be fair, the science parts of the novel where it talked about aliens was really interesting.. unfortunately the majority of it was lost in the middle of ‘Home and Away’.

All of the characters in the book are somewhat… promiscuous (ok, VERY promiscuous). And all the guys… there is no nice way to say… they think with their balls. At no point in the entire book do any of the main male characters resist the slightest sexual influence. They would be furious at a girl but she would pout and push her chest out a bit and go back to their default state.

The main characters are all huge steriotypes. You have the shy betrayed girl, the beautiful on the inside girl, the little brother, the slut, the alpha male hunter. Really the cast would make a wonderful b-grade American high-school horror movie.

In general. A nice book that could do with a little less teenage hormones.

While I’m here I’d like to thank Laura who seems to have looked at every post I’ve made and commented them all. You should all comment on what she said.

Also for some strange reason today my sites hits sky-rocketed and I don’t know why. This worries me but I assume that a link to me appeared SOMEWHERE.

An E-mail I recieved…


That’s right. A bank has all this money and can’t find anything to do with it. Apparently I’m the next of kin. Yes, ME. Not my parents, or my seven elder siblings, ME. I guess some days you get really lucky don’t you? ;P

I get atleast one of these a week…

àéFROM: MR SULE MOHAMED
AUDITING / ACCOUNTING DIRECTOR
INTERNATIONAL BANK OF AFRICA(BOA)
BURKINA-FASO WEST AFRICA.

My dear I am contacting you in regards to a business transfer of a huge sum of money from a deceased account. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make anyone apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. I decided to contact you due to the urgency of this transaction.

PROPOSITION; I discovered an abandant sum of $11.5M(Eleven Million Five Hundred thousand United states Dollars) in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customers who died along with his entire family. Since his death, none of his next-of-kin or relations has come forward to lay claims to this money as the heir. I cannot release the fund from his account unless someone applies for claim as the next-of-kin to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines. Upon

this discovery, I now seek your permission to have you stand as a next of kin to the deceased as all documentations will be carefully worked out by me for the funds $11.5M(Eleven Million Five Hundred thousand United states Dollars) to be released in your favour as the beneficiary’s next of kin.It may interest you to note that I have secured from the probate an order of madamus to locate any of deceased beneficiaries.

Please acknowledge receipt of this message in acceptance of my mutual business endeavour by

furnishing me with the following;
1. Your Full Names and Address.
2. Direct Telephone and Fax numbers.

These requirements will enable me file a letter of claim to the appropriate departments for necessary approvals in your favour before the transfer can be made. I shall be compensating you with $4.6 Million Dollars on final conclusion of this project, while the rest $6.9Million shall be for me. Your share stays with you while the rest shall be for me for investment purposes in your
country.
If this proposal is acceptable by you, do not take undue advantage of the trust I have bestowed in you, I await your urgent email.
Regards,
Your;s faithfully,
MR SULE MOHAMED