How to be Gooder at Facebook

By one of the goodest Facebookers there is.

It has come to my attention that many people are not very good at Facebook.

This is a serious problem that afflicts many of my friends. Below I will outlines the dos and don’ts (but mostly the don’ts) of facebook. If you are getting frustrated by nobody liking or commenting on your statuses, this could be the blog post for you!

DISCLAIMER: Please do not let this offend you. I am writing this in a very light-hearted way and it is intended to help people. Also there are always exemptions to these rules (usually when you’re breaking it on purpose).

Don’t double post
Wait until a couple people have posted something before you put another status in. Otherwise it looks needy. Even if some of your friends have posted it might appear to other friends as double posting. For instance, because Rosey is such a grinch and constantly hides people from her news feed I apparently fill up her wall.

This is interesting… how?
“I’m hungry.”
“Gotta brush my teeth.”
“Couldn’t find me wallet, then I looked for five minutes and found it under my bed.”

This is related to the rule above, before your write it on your wall ask yourself if other people really want to know. If you wouldn’t text it to a friend, don’t make it your status although there are exemptions, ie, when the brevity of the status is a joke. This then carries onto the next rule.

What the flip is that supposed to mean?!
Try to avoid statuses in which there is no context.
“Should I?”
“Be like that. I don’t even care.”
It annoys other users.

Kitty got Claws!!
Try not to be aggressive on facebook. Basicly, if it makes me hide behind my chair even when it’s not adressed to me, you’ve gone to far. I hate to be sexist, but this is generally a girl thing =P
So no statuses about how BLANK made you so BLANK you could BLANK. I can’t believe he BLANK BLANK BLANK I’m so BLANK.

Gratuitous Display of Public Affection
You know how people get bored if all you talk about is your girlfrined? The same principle applies to facebook. If you love someone say it in person or occasionally (< once a fortnight) put it in your status. But not everyday. And don’t make it HUUUGE.

Quoting Song Lyrics without Stating That You Are Quoting Song Lyrics
This happens so often and it annoys me to no end. Once an ex girlfriend of mine quoted Taylor Swift’s song ‘Sixteen’ (or something like that, I’ve never actually heard it). One of the lines from it goes like that “blah blah blah first kiss at sixteen blah blah blah”. Which was news to ME because I was under the impression that I was her first kiss when she was 17. Also, and this is the big one, don’t quote song lyrics about depression or suicide and then laugh at people who ask what’s wrong. Two reasons, firstly, ever heard of the boy who cried wolf? Second, sometimes people NEVER realise that what you were saying isn’t actually what you think.

Gah! I can’t know that!
There are certain things that other people don’t need to know. Intimate medical details are included. Also, facebook might not be the best place to let your friends know how sad you are about a certain thing, that might be more of a one on one thing.

Don’t worry too much about what people say via facebook
Seriously, don’t. Facebook cannot convey tone and it’s really hard to tell what people think. So try not to be too offended. I also often tie myself up about what girls I like say on Facebook, it doesn’t really matter, it could mean anything.

Facebook doesn’t need to see everything
Credit goes to Rosey for this one.
Do not upload copious amounts of photos of you pouting at the camera (fish face). That is what Myspace is for (and possibly why it failed). And in ANY photo keep the cleavage under control. Once again, that is what Myspace is for. It’s ok to put a few photos of yourself that you took (people need to know what you look like) but Girls: Don’t pout!! and Boys: Don’t try to look serious by frowning or doing the ‘underwear model look’.

Secret Messages
“I don’t know how to tell you I love you.”
“I can never tell you how mad you make me.”
“I wish you wouldn’t do that.”
NO! Bad! Don’t write messages to people without saying who they are in hope that they will take a hit. Don’t ever do this! Unless it is an inside joke. (If I’m watching my wall carefully I miss messages one of my friends has for me. Instead of tagging me she just says “Pervert” and expects me to see it).

To be fair, I sometimes break these rules 🙂 once again, don’t be offended, I write this in a light hearted way, and it really is to help people who might not realise what they are doing.


13 thoughts on “How to be Gooder at Facebook

  1. Aww, Pervert-san, I break the lyrics rule so often, but generally I only post lyrics that say how I’m feeling. Or if they’re so incredibly awesome they need sharing.

  2. @penguins quack
    seconded with the lyrics~~

    Also, I think you’re right about the whole fish face thing. The “method” is utterly disgusting 99% of the time and it should be banned from the internet forever.

  3. lol where was the relevance to me in that? the song lyrics??? hahahaha

  4. No double posting? You’re one of the most serial posters I know!
    Although to be fair, your posts are some of the most interesting things that come into my feed 😛

  5. i dont say when something is song lyrics… but if their depressing then im depressed. it pretty simple. also i agree with the photo thing… i mean really if someone wants to see your cleavage, they’ll find some other way.

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