Decoding Hidden Signals


I always have trouble understanding what people are trying to tell me unless they tell me straight up. So after much consultation I’ve put together this little phrasebook to help others who are as equally socially inept as me. If you have any thoughts or suggestion please comment.



What the girl says: I disagree with that compliment you just gave me, I don’t believe you.
What she means: Please continue saying nice things to me.

What the boy says: I would like to ask her out but I don’t think it would work.
What he means: I am much too scared to ask her out.

What the boy says: I want to hook up with her but I don’t want to complicate things.
What he means: I want to hook up with her but she said she doesn’t want to complicate things.

What the girl says: Nothing’s wrong.
What she means: I am dying inside.

What the girl says: I like Twilight.
What she means: I’m so lonely; I wish I would meet a romantic stranger like Edward, even if he’s a total tool.

What the boy says: I like James Bond.
What he means: I like pretending I’m James Bond.

What the girls says: *girly voice* oh stop that no means no.
What she means: Please continue touching me. It arouses me.
Note: When a girl says no means no it means continue, when she actually says no she means stop.

What the girl says: Leave me alone.
What she means: I need you to stay here and comfort me but I’m not going to ask you to because I’m feeling sulky.

What the girl says: You people are so weird.
What she means: I find you people to be much funnier than my regular friends, I cannot compete.

What the girl says: K.
What she means: I find you to be a totally useless person and hate everything about you. Whenever you speak to me I imagine myself stabbing you in the face with a rusty knife.

What the girl says: Ohk.
What she means: You bore me/freak me out. Leave.

What the girl says: Do I look fat in this?
What she means: I am in the mood to be mad at you and have hence asked you a question to which I will shout at you no matter what I say.

What the girl says: Your turn to cook tea.
What she means: I feel like takeaway tonight.

What she says: Do I look good in this?
What she means: I feel insecure at the moment and want you to say nice things about me.

What the girl says: I’m going out with my girl friends.
What he thinks: Lesbians.
What she means: I’m going to tell my friends about all the things I don’t like about you.

What the girl says: Let’s go visit my parents.
What she means: I’m punishing you.

What the girl says: Let’s get a puppy!
What she means: I’m testing you to see how you act around children.

What the boy says: I want to tickle you.
What he means: I want to grope you.

 

 

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13 thoughts on “Decoding Hidden Signals

  1. (You need to number them 😉

    Haha 5 is great! So true. And 4, 6 and 8 are good too 🙂
    3 is usually true, but in my personal case it’s actually not (I’m a bit of a freak :P)

    I’d have to say some of them are based on social un-ideals; eg: guys *should* be able and willing to cook, but it’s true that many, possibly the majority, can’t or won’t. They’re totally missing out though…

    You probably need a disclaimer: “The above advice is of a general nature. The author can not be held responsible for your own misunderstandings or folly. You should consider your personal circumstances and the individual people involved before applying it to your own situations. Appropriate prior risk assessments are advised.”

    Overall, great job 😀

  2. Thanks Sam. I wrote these at school and didn’t actually check them before I put them up. Some of them, like number seven, are actually in jokes. Oh well, it’s there now =P

  3. Hahaaaa, I like thiiiss.
    Most made me laugh.
    One made me angry.
    And made me be like “Whaaat? Why would anyone say that in the first place!”
    But most made me laugh.

  4. What the girl says: K.
    What she means: I find you to be a totally useless person and hate everything about you. Whenever you speak to me I imagine myself stabbing you in the face with a rusty knife.

    LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

  5. pretty entertaining… but…

    What the girl says: I disagree with that compliment you just gave me, I don’t believe you.
    What she means: I don’t have the highest self esteem… therefore I do not believe you.

    What the girl says: Nothing’s wrong.
    What she means: Nothing’s w…rong. and if you say ‘yes it is’ one more time there will be something wrong with your face…

    What the girl says: I like Twilight.
    What she means: I find Twilight to be a good movie/book

    What the girls says: *girly voice* oh stop that no means no.
    What she means: F*** OFF!!!
    Note: When a girl says no means no it means no

    What the girl says: Leave me alone.
    What she means: Get out or I will punch you in the face.

    What the girl says: Do I look fat in this?
    What she means: Do I look fat in this? I hope not…

    What the girl says: Your turn to cook tea.
    What she means: get off your ass and do something!

    What she says: Do I look good in this?
    What she means: Do I look good in this?

    What the girl says: I’m going out with my girl friends.
    What she means: I’m going to spend some time with the people that REALLY understand girls…

    What the girl says: Let’s go visit my parents.
    What she means: I want to show you off 🙂

    What the girl says: Let’s get a puppy!
    What she means: LET’S GET A FREAKING PUPPY SO I CAN SMOTHER IT WITH LOVE!!!!!

  6. I like 5 especially!
    And number 1, thats very true 😛

    The only one I disagree with is 7.
    It usually means no.

    overall 4.8/5

    highly impressed 🙂

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