Why I Suck at Call of Duty

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
Image via Wikipedia

Particularity Modern Warfare 2. I mean seriously, nobody ever let me join the army, or like.. hold a gun. Anything more powerful than a Nerf Gun and I’ll shoot my own foot off. Below I’ve outlined some reasons why I’m so bad at it.


The enemy is inside Burger King, me and a few squad mates are outside it. First, I throw a grenade into the window, it bounces off the railing and comes back towards me so I have to sprint around to the other side of the building. I see another window and jump through that.. at the exact same time one of my squad mates throws a grenade through the window I was at before. I had to turn around and jump right back out of the window that I’d just jumped through. Bare in mind that at this point the enemy hadn’t had to fire at me at all and I’d nearly died twice. The worst thing about grenade deaths is the info that comes up before you respawn: “This is the grenade danger icon, take action when you see it.” As if I didn’t know what it was.

Friendly Fire

There are two types of friendly fire that I have trouble with, one makes me mad and one makes me sad. The first one is when you crouching, looking down the scope, firing at the enemy.. and one of your genius squad members walks out in front of your line of fire. Umm, hello guy! I’m kinda shooting here! The second type of friendly fire is when there are two entrances to a building and you and your partner take different routes in. You go around, shoot up some bad guys, adrenalin is pumping through your veins, your wired to shoot anything that move, you turn around a corner.. and shoot your partner in the face. Even worse is when it isn’t one of the important characters and they actually die. I feel like the worst guy in the world.

Army Talk

“Roger, I have contact on 15 plus tangos and a BTR who are Oscar Mike.” What.the.hell. I’m not in the army, I don’t know what these words mean. I mean, I can usually figure it out but it’s just adding to my already considerable confusion. What’s worse is when they say “Ramirez! Bogey at ten o’clock!” When you’re in the middle of turning. So.. is it at 10 to where I am now? Or where I was? Maybe even some point in the middle. This is usually follow by me eating a couple bullets to the face.

Performance Anxiety

Whenever someone is watching I play even worse than usual. I’m actually not that bad at snipering, but when someone’s watching I spray bullets all over the place, or, more accurately, just around who I’m trying to shoot without touching them. There’s nothing worse for your self esteem than someone seeing you waste a whole magazine trying, and failing to kill a single man running in the open. And not just a normal magazine, sniper magazine, where you line up each shot.

I’m a Lover, Not a Fighter

I actually feel bad when I kill people in Modern Warfare 2. Not all the time, not half the time, but often enough. I think it has to do with the level of detail in the game. When the enemy is wearing a mask and full army gear killing them doesn’t feel bad because they’re just generic mooks, who really cares? But when they’re brazillion gang members I feel terrible. I see them and think that they have lives, family. I think about how their whole life was leading to this point, and I just killed them. Soul crushing.

In conclusion, do.not.ever.let.me.near.a.gun.

The Facebook Virus

Image representing Dropbox as depicted in Crun...

Image via CrunchBase

Ok, so Facebook just went into lockdown a few minutes ago, I’m not sure when the problem started, people seem to be calling this the Facebook ‘virus’.

What would happen is it would appear like someone just posted on your wall saying “I hate you. Go die. Why don’t you fuck yourself. The only way to block this is click remove app” (or something similar, Facebook removed the original messages). Just below would be a link saying “remove app”. Most people click it right away not knowing what it actually was. Instead of a removal button it was a link to a javascript program on Dropbox that would run when click. The program seems like it would then post the same message that you got to every one of your friends walls, complete with the link. Because of how instinctive clicking remove is this spread at an alarming rate.

Facebook seems to have removed it now, however this has had the side effect of locking down the news feed to not being able to go back further than a few minutes ago. IPhone was related to this in some way, possibly auto spamming the message. I guess we’ll know more in a few days time. I’m impressed by Facebook by the speed at which they responded to this by shutting down the wall. It is possible that there is some kind of automated system put in place to stop these kinds of things which only activates once it reaches a critical mass.

From what I can tell this attack was focused on compramising Facebook accounts, not peoples computers, still, running a virus scan couldn’t hurt. You should defiantly change your password to Facebook if your account was spamming other people. If it’s too much trouble remembering and coming up with new passwords use LastPass to create  and keep track of passwords for you. Heck, even if you weren’t comprimised you should start using LastPass.

The source of this was a girl called Nicole Santos, which is also why there are so many hate groups about her on Facebook now.

Next time you see something fishy on your Facebook wall, like someone you’re good friends with telling you to fuck yourself, think before doing what the bad thing tells you to do. Still, it was pretty exciting to watch. Just one thing, could we please not make a thousand Facebook groups about this? Please?

Nehanshika: WTF, Vocaloid, Addictive

Before I say anything about this song I want you to hear it yourself so that you can form your own opinions. Don’t worry, it’s a bit more than two minutes long. Except if you have a fear of creepy crawlies. Then you should worry.

Ok, so this probably needs a bit of an explanation. This is a song that’s created using Vocaloid, a Japanese invention that will create a vocal track if you enter the music and  lyrics. It’s a bit more complex in actuality but that’s the gist.

My first response to this video was immortalized on Facebook on Monday night: “Biggest dose of WTF that I’ve had all week”. And really, that’s pretty much what everyone says when I show them this. But right after that I said that for some reason I can’t put my finger on I actually kinda like it.

GOOD: Video/Music Interaction
Lots of songs complement their video clips well, and lots of video clips complement their songs very well. But this song does something very good in that both the song and the video clip complement each other very well without ever taking focus away from the other, I think that it finds a really good mix. The animation itself is a good example of very basic anime which doesn’t seemed to be used as much these days. A classic staple was slowing the video right down for a second or two before speeding it up and doing something really impressive, and although you don’t see it as much these days this video does it perfectly.

BAD: It’s a Little Frightening
Well, a little may be the wrong word, the first time you see it you’ll be freaked the hell out. But strangly, after you watch it a few times (and you probably will, look at the next point) you’ll stop being freaked out by the crazy imagery. After a while you’ll start to see that even though they’re deformed, they don’t actually have mean expressions. The chick kinda smiles and the guy has this kinda neutral expression, I assume he’s just thinking about how awesome he is.

GOOD: Dangerously Addictive
There’s something about this song that drags you in after you’ve seen it a couple of time, I’ve had this in my head for two days now. It could be the huge amount of energy that it has, which is contrasted by the singers(?) lack of emotion. Add to this the way that you can’t actually sing along with the words because it’s in Japanese to try and purge yourself of it and you’re stuck wanting more.

BAD: More Frustrating than a Chubachub
As I said before it’s in Japanese, so unless you’re really good at remembering strange sound (or you know, speak Japanese) you can’t really sing along, and it sticks in your song so hard. Another thing is that it only goes for two minutes. Two great minutes, but still only two minutes. It’s a very short song so it’s hard to get as much satisfaction out of it as you would like.

GOOD: Very Good Animation (in a way)
After looking at this guys earlier videos it looks like this is the one where he discovered the secret of really good animation, hiding your limitations. It’s incredibly difficult to make photo realistic animations so what the creator, Deino, has done is put heaps of distortion into the video, as well as only doing quick shots with lots of motion at the character. Which so much for your mind to take in, it’s easy to not notice some of the problems with the animation (of which there are a few).

In general, I really like this song. As I said earlier it has this really awesome energy to it, the only shame is that it’s so short and that the other songs Technorch (the creater of the Nehanshika) made aren’t nearly as good. I haven’t actually listened to many Vocaloids, it’s hard to find the good few in a sea of garbage. I will, however, leave you with a vocaliod that is so much more disturbing than Nehanshika, but in a different, much more awesome way (totally safe for work). I am also fairly sure that this thing is my most viewed video on the tube. I’d recommend listening to it on full volume, I promise you won’t regret it.

What is Objectifying Women?

So, you might have heard of this little thing called feminism. No? Ok then, I’ll explain it for the philistines. It’s this (rather strange) concept that women are people too. Not only that (and yes dear reader, I do hear you gasp) they are equal to men!

I have it on good authority that most modern men (you know, the type that buy expensive clothes and know what a duvet is) actually say that they subscribe to this belief! They view women as *deep breath* HUMAN BEINGS.

But is that actually the truth? Not the part about women being to equal to men or anything, that’s a given. But do guys really believe it? Do they really act like it? I don’t think that we (and I’m including myself here) have really stopped thinking of women as objects? I’d also like to take this idea a step further and say that I don’t think women can sometimes have trouble not viewing men as objects either. That last bit is, of course, pure speculation, as the woman is an unfathomable creature of mystery to me so for this post I’ll just talk about how men act.

How would we act towards women if we didn’t think of them as objects?

1) We wouldn’t pursue them.

This point really needs some expansion to make sense. Some guys make a big deal about knowing a large number of women, or getting lots of phone numbers. What is the point of this? Does it mean you’re collecting something? Like you would an object? Maybe when men chase women, what they want isn’t that woman but just a woman. Things hardly ever work out when men go out looking to meet women. I think that if you really want a good relationship you shouldn’t try to force one, all other considerations beside trying to force one will make you accept someone you don’t actually want that much. Good enough isn’t actually good enough.

2) We wouldn’t have types.

When a guy says “I like blondes” or “I like indie chicks”, that is objectifying women. It’s when you don’t like a person, you like a type of person. This strip sums it up pretty well. I would like to take this opportunity to reiterate a point that I don’t have a thing for redheads. I just know many redheads that are attractive.

3) We wouldn’t have pin up girls.

Oh no! Surely not something on the internet that’s saying porn is bad! And it’s not just pin up girls! Oh no! It’s women on the street as well. When you check out a girl, or say how nice her legs are or imagining how good she’d be in bed you’re thinking of her as an object. It’s really hard to get more degrading than that. It almost makes you wish there were some way women could stop men looking at them like that…

This is not a blog post about how I don’t act, I’m guilty of all these things. I doubt that very many people don’t do these things. This is just pointing out what we all do and how we aren’t as liberal minded as we might like to think that we are. But still, if we could try to do these things less I’m sure that the world would improve in countless ways.