Why I Suck at Call of Duty


Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
Image via Wikipedia

Particularity Modern Warfare 2. I mean seriously, nobody ever let me join the army, or like.. hold a gun. Anything more powerful than a Nerf Gun and I’ll shoot my own foot off. Below I’ve outlined some reasons why I’m so bad at it.

Grenades

The enemy is inside Burger King, me and a few squad mates are outside it. First, I throw a grenade into the window, it bounces off the railing and comes back towards me so I have to sprint around to the other side of the building. I see another window and jump through that.. at the exact same time one of my squad mates throws a grenade through the window I was at before. I had to turn around and jump right back out of the window that I’d just jumped through. Bare in mind that at this point the enemy hadn’t had to fire at me at all and I’d nearly died twice. The worst thing about grenade deaths is the info that comes up before you respawn: “This is the grenade danger icon, take action when you see it.” As if I didn’t know what it was.

Friendly Fire

There are two types of friendly fire that I have trouble with, one makes me mad and one makes me sad. The first one is when you crouching, looking down the scope, firing at the enemy.. and one of your genius squad members walks out in front of your line of fire. Umm, hello guy! I’m kinda shooting here! The second type of friendly fire is when there are two entrances to a building and you and your partner take different routes in. You go around, shoot up some bad guys, adrenalin is pumping through your veins, your wired to shoot anything that move, you turn around a corner.. and shoot your partner in the face. Even worse is when it isn’t one of the important characters and they actually die. I feel like the worst guy in the world.

Army Talk

“Roger, I have contact on 15 plus tangos and a BTR who are Oscar Mike.” What.the.hell. I’m not in the army, I don’t know what these words mean. I mean, I can usually figure it out but it’s just adding to my already considerable confusion. What’s worse is when they say “Ramirez! Bogey at ten o’clock!” When you’re in the middle of turning. So.. is it at 10 to where I am now? Or where I was? Maybe even some point in the middle. This is usually follow by me eating a couple bullets to the face.

Performance Anxiety

Whenever someone is watching I play even worse than usual. I’m actually not that bad at snipering, but when someone’s watching I spray bullets all over the place, or, more accurately, just around who I’m trying to shoot without touching them. There’s nothing worse for your self esteem than someone seeing you waste a whole magazine trying, and failing to kill a single man running in the open. And not just a normal magazine, sniper magazine, where you line up each shot.

I’m a Lover, Not a Fighter

I actually feel bad when I kill people in Modern Warfare 2. Not all the time, not half the time, but often enough. I think it has to do with the level of detail in the game. When the enemy is wearing a mask and full army gear killing them doesn’t feel bad because they’re just generic mooks, who really cares? But when they’re brazillion gang members I feel terrible. I see them and think that they have lives, family. I think about how their whole life was leading to this point, and I just killed them. Soul crushing.

In conclusion, do.not.ever.let.me.near.a.gun.

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25 thoughts on “Why I Suck at Call of Duty

  1. Oh, I know about the grenades. I’m terrible at them too. Except for L4D… I’m good with pipe bombs in that.

    Also, the other day I googled BTR for this precise reason. It’s a Russian acronym. Their equivalent of Armoured Personnel Carrier (APC).

      • The game devlopers purposely put in as much army jargon as possible, and make it as confusing as possible, to remind you this is a real war! Because they’re using real army talk! See how realistic this game is!

        Now lets gun down some guys with our uzi on our snow mobiles!

        Cynic aside, possibly they use the russian acronyms to distinguish between Russian APCs and friendly ones.

  2. Just take comfort in the fact that CoD:MW2 is a horrible game, with horrible balance and mechanics.

    Sorry, I really dislike CoD.

  3. I don’t suck at Call of Duty because I don’t play it because it sucks. Anyone who has ever mentioned it to me knows my anti-COD, anti-Activision rant. There are so many better games.
    That being said, I have the granade issue in other games, and performance anxiety.
    I don’t feel guilty about killing my opponents, not until I taunt them. I feel bad about taunting them when they’re dead.

  4. To both Penguins and O’Malley, I really like the single player campaign of MW2, it’s a really cinematic experience.

    • Single player is fine. Though I hate how some people (that I know personally, and need to interact with on a day to day basis) insist that it is realistic.

      “Single player campaign … [is] a really cinematic experience” I can agree with.

      However, people praising it for it’s realism makes me very sad for their IQ. Firearms (which claims to be only quasi-realistic) is more realistic than MW2. Even goddamn Counter-Strike is more realistic.

      After that, my main problems stem from mainly the multiplayer.

  5. I’m not a big CoD fan, for a few of the reasons outlined above.
    Give me a Source-based game any day 🙂

    I’m absolutely terrible at FPS’s overall, especially sniping.

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